How to Get a Boyfriend: A Matchmaker's 5-Step Guide

1. Choose the kind of relationship you want and three non-negotiables.
2. Meet men through recurring activities, introductions and one or two apps.
3. Show interest through conversation and a clear, specific profile.
4. Suggest a simple date or ask him out yourself.
5. Ask about exclusivity when you want to focus on each other.

Why does it feel so hard to find a boyfriend?

Finding someone available is different from finding someone who wants your kind of relationship. In Pew Research Center's 2019 survey, published in 2020, 65% of women who found dating hard named finding someone who wanted the same type of relationship as a major difficulty. The figure for men was 45%. Among those women, 56% also named finding someone who met their expectations.

Not every single person is looking. Pew's 2022 survey found that 35% of single women were looking for a relationship or dates, compared with 50% of single men. Those figures describe who was looking, not your personal chances of meeting someone.

More messages do not necessarily solve the problem. Among women who had used online dating in the previous year, 54% felt overwhelmed by the number of messages, according to Pew's February 2023 findings. Give your attention to compatibility and follow-through instead of trying to maintain every conversation.

Look at where your own process stops. Are you meeting men, getting dates, or getting stuck after several dates with someone whose intentions remain unclear? Change that part of the process first. For a closer look at recurring patterns, read why am I still single. Being single is not a verdict on your value.

Step 1: Know what you want before you look

Write down what you are looking for in one sentence: a committed relationship with someone who has room for it. If you want something casual, say that instead. Your profile, conversations and decisions should reflect the relationship you actually want.

Then choose three relationship non-negotiables. These might concern children, how you treat each other, or whether your daily lives can fit together. Separate those requirements from preferences about a job title, a hobby or a particular first-date feeling.

In Match's 2026 Singles in America study, 46% of singles who kept a partner checklist reported falling for someone outside it. The study also found that 49% of singles had fallen for someone they were not initially attracted to. Leave room to discover someone without talking yourself into a person you do not want to see again.

The same study found that 34% of singles prioritized peace and emotional safety, compared with 14% who prioritized passion. Among women, those figures were 40% and 9%. Turn a word such as “safe” into something observable: he listens, respects your answer and lets you disagree without punishment.

Our guide to the qualities of a good man helps you make those distinctions. Keep your list short enough to use during real conversations. After a date, ask whether you enjoyed his company and whether his behavior fit your essentials.

Step 2: Where to meet single men

Choose places where you can participate naturally and return regularly. If you dislike an activity, do not build your dating life around it. The aim is to create opportunities for conversation while keeping a social life you enjoy.

Heterosexual U.S. couples; categories overlap and do not sum to 100%. Source: Rosenfeld, Thomas & Hausen, PNAS, 2019, Table 1. Checked October 30, 2026. These are historical meeting patterns, not success rates for a venue.

• Friends' introductions: Tell friends you are open to meeting someone seeking a relationship.
• A weekly class or club: Choose a subject you enjoy and give familiar faces time to become conversations.
• Co-ed sports leagues: Join for the activity and stay for the conversation afterward.
• Volunteering: Pick a cause you care about and commit to showing up.
• Professional and alumni events: Use a shared background as a conversation starter.
• Faith communities: Participate where your beliefs and community life genuinely fit.
• Dating apps: Use one or two intentionally, with relationship goals stated clearly.
• Speed dating: Try a format where meeting potential dates is the shared purpose.

Apps

If you want to know how to find a boyfriend online, start by making your intentions easy to understand. Pew reported in February 2023 that one in ten partnered adults met their partner on a dating site or app. Among partnered adults under 30, the figure was one in five. That is a different population from the couples in the table above.

Compare dating apps for serious relationships and Hinge vs Bumble. Choose a manageable number of conversations, ask about intentions and move toward a simple public date when you feel comfortable.

In New York

For local options, read how to meet someone in NYC or explore speed dating events in New York. Pick something you can fit into your week rather than an ambitious schedule you will abandon.

Step 3: Make it easy for him to approach you

Show enough of yourself that someone has a natural way to start a conversation. On an app, use clear photos and one specific prompt that invites a response. A detail about what you enjoy doing gives someone more to work with than a list of general adjectives.

Try a prompt about the museum you would revisit, the meal you like cooking or the activity you want to try. These are conversation openings, not claims that a particular interest attracts every man. Our Hinge prompts guide can help you choose wording that sounds like you.

Offline, leave space for interaction. Put your phone away, make eye contact when it feels comfortable and turn toward the conversation. Start with the setting: ask what brought him to the class or whether he has attended the event before.

Follow up on the answer rather than preparing a performance. Share something about yourself, too. If you have enjoyed talking, say so and ask whether he would like to exchange numbers. You can be interested without promising anything beyond another conversation.

When you think about how to attract a man, focus on making mutual interest visible. You do not need to adopt a different personality or hide your wish for a relationship. Notice whether he makes room for you in the conversation as well. An opening works best when both people choose to step into it.

Step 4: How to get a guy to ask you out (or ask him yourself)

You can make an invitation easier or make it yourself. The first route is to mention a concrete thing you would enjoy doing together: “I'd like to see that exhibition. Would you be interested?” Give him something clear to respond to instead of hoping he interprets a hint.

The second route is a direct invitation: “I've enjoyed talking with you. Would you like to get coffee this weekend?” These are suggested words you can adapt. Choose a simple plan that lets you talk and that you would feel comfortable accepting yourself.

Pew's 2019 survey found that 52% of men who found dating hard named difficulty approaching people as a major reason. A clear signal can remove some uncertainty, but you do not have to keep prompting someone who does not respond.

If he says yes, agree on a day and place. If he is busy but suggests a workable alternative, consider it. If he repeatedly stays vague, leave the invitation with him and carry on with your own plans. You have already made your interest clear.

Accept a refusal without negotiating. Asking someone out gives you useful information; it does not create an obligation for either of you. Before agreeing to a date, check that you want to meet him, rather than simply feeling relieved that a date is available. Mutual curiosity is a good enough reason to begin.

What are the signs a guy likes you?

Look for a pattern of effort rather than trying to decode one message. These five behaviors are useful things to notice as you get to know someone:

1. He follows up and keeps plans. His interest leads to time together, and he communicates when arrangements change.
2. He asks about your life and remembers it. Your answers become part of an ongoing conversation.
3. He contacts you first. You are not responsible for restarting every exchange.
4. He plans the next date before this one ends. He makes his wish to see you again clear.
5. He introduces you to friends. You begin to have a place in his wider life.

None of these behaviors alone establishes exclusivity. Notice whether his words and actions agree, and whether you like the person you are getting to know. Being wanted is only one part of choosing a boyfriend.

If mixed signals continue beyond a few weeks, stop treating uncertainty as a puzzle you must solve. Read about green flags and what is a situationship, then ask what he wants. Give the answer more weight than your interpretation of his texting style.

Step 5: From dating to “he's my boyfriend”

Enjoying dates and agreeing to a relationship are separate steps. In a 2017 OnePoll survey for Groupon of 2,000 U.S. adults, respondents reported an average of five dates before deciding to date one person exclusively; see how many dates before a relationship for context.

When you want to focus on each other, ask a plain question in person: “Would you like us to date only each other?” Choose a moment when you have time to hear the answer. Avoid turning the conversation into a test with a preferred response already implied.

Listen for whether he wants the relationship you want. If you agree, make sure you share an understanding of exclusivity and calling each other partners. For the fuller conversation, read our guide to the "what are we?" talk.

If you are searching for how to get a man to commit, remember that you cannot make anyone commit. You can state what you want, ask early enough to protect your time and act on the answer. A clear mismatch does not need another round of persuasion.

If he is unsure, decide whether continuing under those terms works for you. Do not agree to an arrangement you dislike simply to keep seeing him. Your next step should reflect what is happening between you now, rather than the relationship you hope his answer might eventually become.

What is the 3-3-3 rule for dating?

Check in after 3 dates, 3 weeks and 3 months: is there attraction, is there a possible future, and is this a real relationship? The 3-3-3 rule is a reflection framework, not research or a deadline for commitment with someone.

The rule went viral on TikTok, and there is no agreed originator. The versions above were checked October 30, 2026. Use the dates/weeks/months version to pause and assess what is actually developing, rather than automatically extending a connection.

Our take: the useful part is making time for a check-in. Skip the “three people at a time” version if it makes you less present. You can also ask about intentions before any of these markers.

For a different dating framework, see the 37% rule in our companion guide.

Staying safe while dating online

Pew reported in February 2023 that 56% of women under 50 who had used dating sites or apps had received unwanted sexually explicit messages or images. You do not owe someone continued access to you because you matched or agreed to talk.

Meet in public, tell a friend where you are going and keep the chat on the app until you have met. Arrange a way home that you control. If plans change in a way that makes you uncomfortable, leave or cancel.

Use the app's blocking and reporting options when someone crosses a boundary. You do not need to keep explaining a refusal. Read our guide to green flags for help recognizing respectful behavior and warning signs. Keep your own comfort part of the decision, even when a conversation has felt promising.