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What Is Matchmaking? The Meaning in Dating and Marriage
Matchmaking is the practice of introducing two single people who are likely to be compatible, with a lasting relationship or marriage as the goal. The person who does it is a matchmaker: once a relative, a village go-between or a Jewish shadchan, today usually a paid professional who interviews clients and hand-picks each introduction.
In video games, "matchmaking" means the automatic pairing of players. See other meanings.
Matchmaking meaning: what the dictionaries say
All three major dictionaries define matchmaking first as bringing people together for love or marriage.
| Dictionary | Definition | Link |
|---|---|---|
| Cambridge | "the activity of arranging marriages or romantic relationships between people" | Cambridge Dictionary |
| Dictionary.com | "the act or process of connecting two individuals," aiming at a romantic relationship or marriage | Dictionary.com |
| Merriam-Webster | "the action of bringing about a marriage especially by scheming" | Merriam-Webster |
The older definition stresses marriage; the newer ones include dating and romantic relationships. Dictionary.com and Merriam-Webster also list a sports sense: arranging matches, especially prizefights and wrestling.
"Matchmake" is a verb too. Merriam-Webster defines it as "to bring about a marriage especially by scheming". Merriam-Webster: matchmake.
What is a matchmaker?
A matchmaker is the person who makes the introduction. Merriam-Webster's fuller sense is "one who tries to bring two unmarried individuals together" to promote a marriage. Merriam-Webster: matchmaker. Cambridge says "a person who tries to arrange marriages or romantic relationships between people". Cambridge: matchmaker.
The word is old. Merriam-Webster gives its first known use as 1638, and Dictionary.com dates it to 1630–40. Dictionary.com: matchmaker.
A matchmaker is also called a marriage broker (Wikipedia). The Yiddish word is shadchan (plural shadchonim), from a Hebrew root meaning "to arrange a marriage" (Merriam-Webster). Merriam-Webster: shadchan. Today's Jewish matchmaking is covered in our guide to Jewish matchmakers in NYC.
Today a professional matchmaker interviews clients, searches a network for people who fit, makes introductions and gathers feedback after each date. Read how matchmaking works, step by step.
What is another word for matchmaking?
For the person, common synonyms are marriage broker, go-between and intermediary, all listed by Thesaurus.com, plus the Yiddish shadchan.
For the practice, people say introductions or pairing. Two traditions have their own names: shidduch, the system of matchmaking for Jewish singles in Orthodox communities (Wikipedia), and omiai in Japan.
Matchmaking or match making? The dictionaries above spell it as one word: matchmaking.
A short history of matchmaking
For most of history, matchmaking was how marriages began. The table shows the milestones, from the traditional go-between to Netflix.
| When | What happened | Source |
|---|---|---|
| Medieval Europe to the early 20th century | In Ashkenazi Jewish communities, a shadchan arranged marriages between families for a fee. The role lost standing by the early 20th century; in the U.S. it was "more of a curiosity" by the late 1930s. | Wikipedia |
| 1638 | First known use of the word "matchmaker" in English. | Merriam-Webster |
| Japan, tradition | Omiai: a man and a woman are formally introduced to consider marriage. It is sometimes mistranslated as "arranged marriage". | Wikipedia |
| India, tradition | Families consulted astrologers, who "used stars to sanctify matches" both parents approved. | Wikipedia |
| Ireland, every September | The Lisdoonvarna Matchmaking Festival in County Clare, with "roots stretching back more than 160 years". | Festival site |
| 22 Sep 1964 | Fiddler on the Roof opens on Broadway at the Imperial Theatre in New York. Yente is the village matchmaker. The run reached 3,242 performances. | Wikipedia |
| 1995 | 2% of heterosexual U.S. couples met online. | Stanford, PNAS 2019 |
| 22 Jan 2008 | The Millionaire Matchmaker, hosted by Patti Stanger, premieres on Bravo. | Wikipedia |
| About 2013 | Meeting online overtakes meeting through friends for heterosexual U.S. couples. | Stanford, PNAS 2019 |
| 2017 | 39% of heterosexual U.S. couples met online. | Stanford, PNAS 2019 |
| 16 Jul 2020 | Indian Matchmaking premieres on Netflix. | Wikipedia |
Traditional matchmaking worked through families. A shadchan, an elder or a go-between knew both families, proposed a match, and the families weighed it.
New York has its own place in the story. Fiddler on the Roof opened on Broadway in 1964 with Yente, the village matchmaker, and ran for 3,242 performances at a time when the professional go-between had become rare.
Wikipedia notes renewed interest in professional matchmakers in the 2010s and 2020s, linked to dissatisfaction with dating apps, television shows about matchmaking and the pandemic. Wikipedia: Matchmaking. That is Wikipedia's summary of press coverage, not a measurement of the industry.
Types of matchmaking today
"Matchmaking" covers six quite different arrangements. The main differences are who makes the match, who pays, and how matches are chosen.
| Type | Who makes the match | Who pays | How matches are chosen | Read more |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1. Friends and family | People who know you | No one | Personal knowledge of both people | — |
| 2. Community and religious matchmaking (shidduch, omiai) | A shadchan, an elder or a go-between | Customs vary | Family, faith and reputation | Jewish matchmakers in NYC |
| 3. Professional matchmaker | A paid matchmaker | The client who hires them | Interviews, then a search of the matchmaker's network | Professional matchmaker |
| 4. Membership and introduction services | Company staff | Members | Chosen from the member pool; dates arranged for you | Matchmaking service reviews |
| 5. Dating apps | An algorithm, then you | Free or subscription | Profile, stated preferences and behavior in the app | Best dating apps in NYC |
| 6. Hybrid (software plus people) | Software suggests, people vet | Varies | e.g., Chabad's Met@Chabad: AI suggests matches, rabbis and rebbetzins vet participants (Wikipedia) | — |
When people say "modern matchmaking", they usually mean type 3 or type 4: a paid professional matchmaker or a membership introduction service.
The types also differ in how much you choose. With friends, family and apps, you decide whom to meet. With a professional matchmaker, the matchmaker proposes and both people agree before a date. In community systems, families and go-betweens often take a larger part.
How does matchmaking work in dating?
Professional matchmaking usually runs in five steps: a consultation to see whether the service fits, an intake interview about your life and what you want, a search of the matchmaker's network, an introduction to someone both sides have agreed to meet, and feedback after the date to sharpen the next search.
A 2024 study of a professional matchmaking company found that part of a matchmaker's work is helping clients discover, and sometimes reassess, what they want in a partner (Sharabi, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships). Read the study.
For the full process, from intake questions to contracts, read how matchmaking works, step by step.
Matchmaking vs. dating apps
| Professional matchmaker | Dating app | |
|---|---|---|
| Who chooses the match | The matchmaker proposes; both people agree | An algorithm suggests; you swipe |
| Screening before you meet | An interview with each client | You judge from a profile |
| How many options | A few hand-picked introductions | As many profiles as you want to see |
| Feedback after a date | Yes, from the matchmaker | No |
| Cost | See what a matchmaker costs in NYC | Free or subscription |
Apps are the bigger channel by far. 3 in 10 U.S. adults have used a dating site or app. Source: Pew, 2023. Online has been the most common way heterosexual couples meet since about 2013. Source: Stanford, PNAS 2019.
The two are not exclusive: you can use apps and a matchmaker at the same time. Whether a matchmaker is worth it depends on your time, budget and goals; read are matchmakers worth it and our list of alternatives to dating apps.
Other meanings of "matchmaking"
In video games, matchmaking is "the process of connecting players together for online play sessions", often by skill rating (Wikipedia). In business, B2B matchmaking pairs companies with partners, suppliers or investors, often at trade fairs. In sports, a matchmaker arranges bouts in boxing and wrestling. In medicine, the word is also used for pairing organ donors with recipients.
On this site, matchmaking always means the dating kind.
FAQ
Is matchmaking still a thing?
Yes. Netflix premiered Indian Matchmaking in 2020, and Wikipedia notes renewed interest in professional matchmakers in the 2010s and 2020s. Apps are big too: 30% of U.S. adults have used a dating site or app (Pew, 2023).
Is matchmaking the same as arranged marriage?
Not today. With a professional matchmaker, the two people decide whether to date and whom to marry. In traditional systems families often decided. Even Japan's omiai is a formal introduction to consider marriage, and is sometimes mistranslated as "arranged marriage".
What is the Yiddish word for matchmaker?
The Yiddish word is shadchan (plural shadchonim), from a Hebrew root meaning "to arrange a marriage" (Merriam-Webster). Read more about Jewish matchmakers in NYC.
How much does matchmaking cost?
It varies widely by firm and package. Our guide to what a matchmaker costs in NYC lists published prices with sources.
How much does a matchmaker make?
That depends on the firm and the role, and it belongs to the career side of the job. Our guide on how to become a matchmaker covers it.